I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
