I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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