Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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