you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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