You just made me feel so damn special
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
