i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
