She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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