Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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