yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
