Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
