Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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