I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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