I'm drive I can fine osifer
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
