I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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