Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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