Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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