I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
