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I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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