just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
