went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
