He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just cropdusted the office
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We have so much sex to catch up on
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
3 2 1 whiskey
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
