Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
whose parrot is this?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
