Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
