She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
