Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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