Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it because I queefed?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
