OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
time to smoke my breakfast
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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