did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
