Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
