If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
