So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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