I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just had sex on a roof
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
