Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
