I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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