Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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