It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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