Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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