dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
