Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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