guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
