Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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