Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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