Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
