woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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