I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
