I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
