I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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