nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
