Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
