Will you blow on my dice?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
