Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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