And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
