How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
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I just found a bag of teeth...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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