You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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