and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
