I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
