You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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