Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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