I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
