whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
