I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
