Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he puts the penis in happiness.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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