Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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