My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
