Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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