I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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