my mouth tastes like poor choices
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well I just put wine in my tea
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
