he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
