btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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