Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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