Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
