totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
